Ain't Nothin' but a Number

Nope, not age. I mean, that's just a number too. But I'm talking about something much more sensitive. I'm talking about weight. Let's face it, most Americans are overweight or obese. Our lifestyles do not condone keeping a healthy weight. Food is readily available in large quantities, fostering larger than necessary appetites. Healthier choices are usually costlier than less healthy and more convenient alternatives. Most gatherings of friends and family are centered around food. Between working 8 hours a day, and sleeping 8 hours a night, that leaves only 8 hours left for everything else, including commute and other necessary daily activities like hygiene, chores and similar. (To put it in visual perspective, check out this video). Where is there time for exercise? Who has time and money for a gym membership, or the space and money for home equipment?

Optimistic Pusheen



Reality.

 

 

 

But like those other things we must shove into those 8 precious hours we have free in a day, we need to make time for exercise. If you're like me, you sit most of those 8 hours at work. Sitting at a desk doesn't do much for your body. Sitting idle leads to snacking, too. And drinking more and more coffee. Aside from bathroom breaks and walking ten feet to the scanner, I don't move much at work. And what do I do once I get home? I cook, which I guess involves standing, then I plop myself in front of my Xbox. Or I'll do some desk work. Or do the dishes. Regardless, I don't live an active lifestyle.  On Sunday I went to Hershey Park with my boyfriend and his family (super fun), and my legs are still sore in places two days later. To be honest, I never really minded my weight. It was there, but it didn't stop me from doing anything I liked doing. It was just a number. A number that meant nothing, because I judge weight based on how I look and feel. Everyone carries weight differently anyway, and I'm short which throws off my BMI. (Seriously, I'm supposed to weigh 130 lbs for how short I am. I haven't weighed that little since I started puberty.) Not only that, but even my doctor never mentioned it. In other ways, I'm healthy. Nothing to worry about.

Until recently.


I started noticing over the summer that last year's t-shirts and shorts didn't fit anymore. I was self conscious of my belly when I was at the beach in my bikini. Then I went to the doctor in September, and I saw the number. The doctor mentioned it, for the first time. Then again, it wasn't the number itself so much as that I had gained weight over the last 2 visits with her. She ordered blood work, which I haven't done yet. I'll get that done and know the results in January. She didn't say it, but I know why she ordered it. I may be in danger of some pretty terrible things, like diabetes and high cholesterol. At least my blood pressure is consistently perfect. I have a healthy heart, which means I should be able to fight the weight. And I will. The number haunts me, and I'm determined to change it.


That number? 208 lbs.That makes my BMI 38.Obesity is a BMI of 30 <
This means I am very obese.

Fat Cat be like SAY WHAT?

 

 

Yeah. Those are scary facts. The truth is, I've always gone by how I feel. Now I'm starting to feel those numbers. My feet hurt almost all the time from carrying all that weight, and my heels have painful fissures in them. My clothes are tight and I don't look good in them anymore. It's hard to find clothes I do look decent in. My shoulders and back hurt from the weight of my breasts in bras that probably aren't enough support anymore. I'm hyper aware of how I hold my head in a photo to reduce double-chin, and quickly finding in the mirror that it's hard to hide anymore. I actually had to hold my belly roll out of the way to try to see a hole I felt in my panties the other day.

 

 

 

Let's compare, shall we?

 

 

 

On the left I'm at a wedding. On the right I'm in cosplay for a Comic Con.

Juxtaposition FTW.

Numbers vs appearance. Knowing that I weigh 208 lbs now, how much do you think I weighed in the picture on the left?  I know these aren't amazing pictures but just go with it. I'm wearing dresses with form fitting busts and flowy skirts in each, and I'm sleeveless in each. You can also see my knees/ upper calves in each. I was purposely trying to hide my belly behind the flowers on the right. On the left, I have a control top pantyhose on, not super slimming but it does help. How much difference is there between 2013 and 2014?

The answer: in 2013, I weighed around 190 lbs. There is a 20 lbs difference between the two pictures. Does it seem like less? Does it seem like more? I don't care what you think either way. I just want you to think on what you assumed versus the real numbers.

Hard to swallow. Harsh facts. Disheartening. These are all words that come to mind when I really compare then and now. But, while I know those phrases come to mind, I don't feel sad or self pitying. Sure, I know I'm fat, but I also know I'm pretty. I have a wonderful man that loves me for me and is always telling me how gorgeous he finds me. I get dressed in the morning, and while my clothes are tight, I still see them on me and say "yeah, that's my style. I look good." My clothes don't really look great on me, but I look great in myself. Because I don't really see the belly when I think about myself. I see my smile. My new short haircut that I'm very excited about. I see the fun colorful stripes and patterns I like to wear. I think about how my nose wrinkles in a cute way when I laugh. Sure I see the bad stuff too, the belly rolls and the double chin, the thunder thighs and junk in the trunk. Those things don't define me though, because they weren't always there, and wont always be there. My sense of me will always be there. My wrinkly nose laugh, my big smile and sense of style will always be who I really am. And that's what gives me the strength to do something about that ugly number. Not for my image, but for my own comfort and well being. Who needs to walk around feeling like crap AND looking like crap? No, if my body weight makes me feel crappy, I can at least think I look good to make up for it.  I don't need anything to drag me down, I need to be pumped up! Positive reinforcement is always better than negative.

Basically, I say to those negative thoughts: "Bitch please, I'm fabulous!"

 

No, I do not have the audacity to claim to be nearly as fabulous as Beyoncé.

 

 







A Hunting We Will Go

When Michael and I were looking for apartments, we learned a lot in a very short amount of time. We knew vaguely for months that we wanted to move out. We didn't actually start looking until the end of July, and moved in September 15th. It was a crash course in apartment hunting.

 

 

Not quite that easy.

 

 

 

First, we considered living with a friend of mine. Her lease was up and needed a new place to live asap. It seemed logical that since she needed help, Mike and I should take advantage of the opportunity. We looked in the paper and followed some leads on two bedroom apartments. Some were quite nice, others were downright scary. But, when we sat down and really looked it over, all these bigger apartments split between 3 were just too expensive compared to smaller one bedrooms split between two. Now, we have a lovely place of our own, and are settling in quite nicely.  We still have things to do, pictures to hang on the wall, places to find to put things away, and a few odds and ends to buy. But we are glad the hunt is over, this moving in and making an apartment a home is the fun part.

 

 

Like a Boss.

 

 

So I want to share some tips I learned as I was figuring this mess out.

1. Looking is free

It doesn't matter if you're ready to move out tomorrow, or if you're lease doesn't end for another 6 months.  Get acquainted with what is available so you know what criteria you want to prioritize. Get to know what the average apartment is like in the area, and what you get for your money. Higher price doesn't necessarily mean better apartments, nor visa versa. Personal experience is best to really get a feel for what you get.

2. Organize your findings

While looking, cut out/print out apartments that are interesting to you. Then, pull up a spreadsheet and make a table. I organized lists into the following columns: Location (by town), number of bedrooms/bathrooms (this was relevant when we were looking at 1 and 2 bedrooms), cost of rent, utilities included, parking situation (on/off street), pet friendly (yes/no for cats, Mike and I want a cat someday so this was relevant for us), and a column for a brief description either based on the ad or personal description after we saw it. After a while I added a last column for additional information about when we visited and if we liked it or not, to help make a decision based on some we narrowed down.

3. Budget

Alright, now you have one side of the coin all etched out. Now for the other side. You know what's out there, now to know what you can possible have. Budgeting actually isn't that hard, it's about organizing. Having the information all in one place is most of the battle. First, write down income per month. Not sure? Luckily today you can easily log into your bank online, check out your last few months of deposits totals and calculate an average. Then, list necessary spending. This is things besides random shopping trips, restaurants and bars. Things like student loans, car loans, and average gas per month (again, extrapolate from the handy dandy bank statements or credit card statements)

Tip: What to make this even easier? Put everything on the same card. To help build my credit score, my parents taught me to never spend more than $15 in cash if I didn't need to. Everything above that threshold goes on my Discover card. But the caveat to that is NEVER to spend more money than you have. I treat my Discover card like a debit card. I have it automatically set to be paid in full every month. This way I'm not spending money I wouldn't have spent anyway, but I'm building credit and cash back every time. That, and most of my spending is on one statement every month. I get that bill and the total is listed in bold right on top.

Do the math, subtract your required spending from your income, and ta-da! You now know how much moolah you have to spend on other stuff each month like rent, utilities, and food.

 

 

 

 

There hasn't been a gif in a while. Here's a cat playing Jenga.

 

 

 

4. Phase 3 is profit, but what's phase 2?

 

Yeah okay this is step 4, but you understand the reference. This part is all on you. Look at what you've got from steps 1-3, and weigh your options. Would you prefer having/buying your own washer and dryer for your apartment, or do you not mind going to the Laundromat? Do you think you'd prefer less rent each month with more utilities in your name? Or does having a set rent cover most of your utilities seem better so you don't have to worry about usage? Tip: If you are paying for water, see how long it takes to get hot if you can. It would be annoying to have to pay for ten minutes of letting the tap run just to get it warm enough to shower. Our apartment the bathroom gets hot quickly, but the kitchen water takes forever. Thankfully water is included with rent so we don't worry about letting it run until it's hot enough to wash dishes. Compare what apartments interest you, and compare pros and cons of each. Compare costs of utilities included/not included in the apartments that interest you. I found this article was exceedingly helpful in making that decision. For example, heat is the most expensive utility, and living in northeast Pennsylvania means using the heat 8 months out of the year. Therefore we wanted a place that included heat in the rent, knowing it would be worth it not to worry about turning up the heat on those below zero January days. In fact, the whole site is full of useful articles if you want to read up and get more insight on renting apartments.

 

5. Okay, I know which apartment I want. Now what?

My intent on this blog post was to just go over the hunt. There's still a lot to do once the choice is made, but I know the hunt is the hardest part. I always feel better after a decision is made. The next things to do are to set up a time to sign the lease, write the check (usually security + one month rent), and get the keys. Get an official move in date. Ask the landlord or previous tenant what companies provide the utilities that are in your name and get them switched over as of the date of move in.  This can usually be done easily online. Take pictures of the empty apartment, any scuffs, scratches, dents, stains, and either save the SD card with the lease (the metadata has date/timestamps) or have them printed with date stamps. This is a CYA if your landlord wants to charge you for damage when you leave that you didn't do. Pack your stuff in boxes, gather some friends (preferably one with a pick up truck, or just hire a U-Haul) and get your stuff in!

 

 

 

Well that was exhausting. Time for a nap?

 

 

 

 

Now I don't claim to be an expert on any of this. All of the above is just based on my own experiences in my own first apartment hunt. I hope my tips are helpful to anyone else looking to move out. Definitely do your research, and MyFirstApartment.com is a huge help.


Much love to all my readers!

 

I'm outta here.















Trial by Fire

Today, I'm going to talk about love.

 

 

Oh god no.

 

 

Yeah, sorry, but I want to talk about what I've learned. I've loved and lost and loved again. I've been so heartbroken I thought I would die. I've been so in love I could sing from the rooftops. I've been so happy to be single I danced. I've mutually broken up with my significant other, and remained friends. Each relationship was a rollercoaster, often with downs so gut wrenching I wished they never happened. Now, though, I'm glad they did. No one wants to be heartbroken, I know. No one likes pain. But everyone needs learning experiences. Pain, after all, is there to teach us what can damage us. If it didn't hurt, we'd leave our hand in the fire and it would become burned to char. That's why we avoid the fire. Because we learn from pain.

 

 

 

Well, unless you're this guy.

 

Heartbreak sucks. It just plain does. There was a man in my life who I was so sure I was going to be with forever. Then, I learned that he did not agree with my feelings. The breakup was messy. It wasn't handled well. He avoided me. As with mourning the death of a loved one, there is a certain emotional process that someone needs in order to move on. I didn't get that at all with this break up. All I knew was loss, and pain.   After I came out of the cloud of depression, I saw what there was to learn from it all. I realized what I was blind to. I was so happy to be in love, that I thought my lover could do no wrong, have no fault. But then I saw why it didn't work. I learned. The pain had subsided at last, and I could learn from that pain. I saw qualities in him that I now knew I didn't want in a lover. I saw also what qualities I didn't like in myself in a relationship. I hinged my happiness on his love. I blinded myself to negativity until it hit me in the face.
 

 

 

 

Pretty much like that.

 

 

My next relationship, I knew I needed someone who respected me more. Someone who respected women more. I also knew I wanted to prove to myself that I could enjoy another's company again. The pain taught me that I also didn't like being alone. I am a compassionate person, I like to love and be loved. I learned that about myself. But, I was afraid of my choices, considering what happened with the last man I dated. So I recruited help. I signed up for OK Cupid. Yup, an online dating site. I wanted at least a little preliminary help before deciding to meet someone. Sure, lots of duds and dead ends, but then I met Sean. I called him Super Sean, because I felt like he was saving me from giving up on love.
 

 

 

 

 

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Pugs!

 

 

My time with Super Sean was short but sweet. We realized we were better friends than lovers, but you will hear it straight from me. I love him. He is my best friend in the universe. He truly was a superhero to me. For while I was out of the fire, I was still burned. The fire burns, and the injury hurts for a long time after the flames are gone. My superhero was there to help me with the burns. Today he's still there for me when I get burned, and visa versa. Yet if we are so compatible, why did we decide to be friends instead? Because Sean was exactly what I needed. I needed a friend. Our romantic relationship and our friend relationship aren't any different. The only thing that was different was we stopped kissing. Otherwise everything is the same. We hung out, played video games, and hugged each other when we needed one. Still do, actually.


 

We just jive, baby.
 

But what of love? I needed to grow up a little. Besides, I had what I needed, a best friend. It was not until months later, I came in communication with Mike. For your sake, I'll spare you the mushy stuff. Dating Mike taught me more things. It taught me what I wanted in a lover. My past relationships taught me what I didn't want. They didn't really show me what I do want. I thought I knew what I wanted. And I did, in a very vague sense. But Michael taught me what I do want, simply by having what it is I wanted all along. It also showed me that I had no idea what real love is before I found it in him. Okay, that was sappy.  

 

 

 

 

Gag.

 

 

So what's all this rambling leading to? Well, it goes back to what I started with. Fire. Yeah, sometimes, we get burned. And it hurts, and blisters and peels and is all around sucky. But we don't avoid fire forever after the first time. Fire is a requirement for human life. Sure, if we don't use it correctly or respect the power it has to consume everything, yeah, it'll burn. But if we learn how to use it and contain it, it can be a wonderful blessing of warmth, light, and joy. Bonfires, campfires, cooking food... alright, this metaphor is getting lost here. The point is, pain teaches us lessons. But you have to listen and learn from it. That doesn't mean you should avoid it forever.  Live and love, love and lose, and love again.

Da da da DAHHH!













One Job, Two Job, Red Job Blue Job.

Last post, I mentioned agreeing to work for Vector Marketing selling Cutco knives. There is no better way to describe that experience other than:

Get it get it get it... awww....

Yeah, what a waste that was. I was excited to just have a job, and I drank the sales pitch kool aid.
I did a few presentations and realized how the job sounds so good on paper, that it has potential when you are sitting in a room with a carefully designed power point presentation and a complimentary boss. Then you actually try to make the slam dunk that you were assured you can achieve... and you fall flat on your face.

So I handed in my kit and said enough of that nonsense. I found another opportunity with Building Blocks Learning Center, working with children. At first, I wasn't really sure what my job actually was. But in a way, I was open to let my job be my own. I got to know the kids. I came up with some fun activities for them. I had a classroom of my own. Then they took it away, renaming my title as "support staff." This was a blessing and a curse. In one way, I got to be the most versatile member, helping out in every room and getting to know each child in the whole center, every age group. I learned a ton of things about children and childhood development. In another way, I didn't have any sense of purpose or direction. I was just a place holder. I didn't have a classroom, a set schedule, or anything that was mine. I felt like I had no authority among staff, and the older kids started to feed off of that energy, questioning my authority as well. Because I was such a catch all employee, I ended up working long shifts, often from 630 AM to 6 pm, or with overly crowded classrooms of screaming children trying to restore order. I was exhausted every day.

Why won't the kids beg for naps too?

Then another blessing in disguise came around. My friend on the staff, who was hired just after I was and had taken over the infant room, fell ill. She was told by her doctor to refrain from bending and lifting, something that is required for a room full of squirmy crawly infants. I took over for her. I fell in love. I loved my infants. I loved having a room of my own. I loved being in control and setting the schedule for the room. I felt like I found where I belong. However, I was still "support staff" and was quickly replaced by another new hire. Between that and the little pay, I looked for something that had more room for growth and raises.

Make it RAIIIINNNN. If only the babies threw money at me.

I moved on to SallieMae. The first few months were fine. Training was actually a lot of fun, making friends, a set 9-5 schedule, and I'm a fast learner and did well. Then I was put on the call floor, and the realities of call center life came creeping up on me. Crappy night shift hours, being literally tethered to your desk with no freedom to talk to a friend or even get up to pee, and the endless calls with no down time at all. Every single second of my life was measured. If calls took too long, I'd get dinged. If I took to long to do work, I'd get dinged. Personally, I'm all about helping the person on my other end. Each phone call was its own world to me, trying to help that customer as best as possible before moving on. But no, a call center is all about times. Time on the phone, time working, time off work, everything measured and hyper controlled. I hated it. I was making good money, but I hated every moment of my existence in that place.

So much suppressed rage.

Unemployed for a little while, I was actually contacted by a temp agency, I guess they found my resume online, and now I work in an office, basically being the office lackey, doing the busy work other people don't want to deal with. I actually really like it in some ways. I'm left to my own devices, so I can work on my own terms on my own schedule, but still have plenty of variety of tasks to accomplish. But, it's just a temp job for very little money. I have to figure out what to do once my contract is over.

That brings me to my point. I don't really know what I want job wise. I've been in and out of different jobs, learning what I do and don't like in a job. My mother is on my case about making a career choice, not to bop around job to job. She's right, I can't really live off of minimum or slightly higher wage, I need a real career, something I can rely on. But, what do I want to do? I know what I want in an environment based on the jobs I've had, but what do I actually want to do at that job? I'm not really sure. In the mean time, I really don't see a problem trying out different waters. Everyone needs to try different things to find what makes them happy. In many ways, I kind of look forward to learning lots of new things. The only problem is, everyone wants experience. I don't have a lot of experience in one thing, I have a little experience in a lot of things. But I still have hope. I'll find what I want to do job wise. I'll just enjoy my time in my current job, apply for anything that seems interesting.

I'll try out whatever I think I'd like. I'll try the red and the blue. See if I can find a shade of purple that suits me.

Not what I meant, but sure.

Announcement: Make Over.

Hey there.

I abandoned this blog, because I wasn't invested, nor really had any idea what I was doing.

But I've decided to start again, and give this blog a make over. I've slightly edited a few posts, and plan on writing new ones.

Why the new enthusiasm? Because I'm really in the ramen noodle life. I moved out of my parent's house, and really understand what getting into adulthood is now. So I plan to write a few posts about my journey since my last post, then keep going on as more topics strike me.


Check back soon, love you all.

Silence, Solitude, and Sales

I've been trying to get a job all this time. Yes, ALL SUMMER. all this time you haven't heard from me. I've been in my house, trying to not be in my house.

Some quick life updates before I go into what I want to talk about today:
1- my wrist is all better now. No more therapy, no more doctor visits. yay!
2- my birthday came and went, nothing special. I'm 22 now. woah.

Okay then. First, silence. I know I've been silent, no blogging etc. I haven't had much to say, really. And that's very sad. I'm usually a relatively talkative person, it's weird for me not to really have much to talk about. And it's because nothing is going on. The exciting part of my life feels like it's over. College is over. Now I'm just here. Existing. Trying to give myself something to do besides beg for jobs and wait to be called for interviews, I started cleaning out my basement. That was kinda fun, in a weird way. I like organizing, it makes me feel better to take a mess and make it better. Of course, my mother will be flabbergasted to hear that, considering what my room looks like. But my room is organized chaos. The basement was just chaos. It still is, I wasn't able to do much. I just got rid of (or tried to get rid of) some old toys and stuff that I honestly have no attachment too. But with every box I opened, I would sit there and dig through it, remembering when I played with this, or built that, or painted this, or sculpted that... It is nostalgic and a little sad. I miss those days. Childhood was before my depression hit. Childhood is when you can dream anything, be anything and have no responsibilities beyond being a child. I spent a long time just digging through boxes and silently thinking. Don't get me wrong, it felt great to sort though my stuff and get rid of the old junk. We need more room in the basement now that I'm home and have all my college crap.

Solitude. I miss my friends. I don't really have people here. I never had many friends in high school. I've lost touch with anyone I was friendly with through the intervening years. We've all gone our separate ways. Well, now I'm back. And I spend a majority of my time alone. Or with my parents. A large amount of just... me. I'm a great person and all, but I get sick of myself. I'm lonely. Yet I can't even think of what I'd do if I had someone here with me. What would we do? There's not much here. I can't keep going out to the bar or what have you, I don't have that kind of money. I miss college days. I lived with my best friends. We could just watch tv, or chat while I make myself a snack. I realize now that what I miss is the constant, little things. Seeing a friend and stopping to chat on my way to class. Going to a silly event at the student union, and standing in line together. Playing apples to apples with my roommates on a rainy night. I don't want big outings with tons of friends. I miss little interactions with the people I like.
I miss my best friend most of all. This past year, he was able to spend entire weekends with us, hanging in our dorm, going to meals with us, nagging me for falling asleep on him. I spent so much time with him, and now I rarely get to see him at all. He was my stress relief. Now I don't have that. Sure, I can talk to people online and the like, but that isn't the same. I am very alone. I like my solitude, but I need a break once in a while.

I finally got a job. I just started, and I'm really not sure what to think. It's with Vector Marketing, selling Cutco knives.
Just by saying that, so many people get judgmental and make assumptions. My mother even gave me the weirdest look when I said I took the job. I'm trying to remain positive and open minded. Yes, it's marketing. Yes, it's sales. Yes, I go to people's houses and try and sell them knives. It's like being an avon lady. A lot of people say that it's a joke or a scam,  that they make promises etc they cant fill, etc etc. But I've been through training, and they make all kinds of claims and assurances. I sit there and they make me feel great, like this is a great opportunity to make money and gather skills. I get in the car to drive home, and the farther I get away, the more I question how true it is. Can I do this? Am I being swindled? Bamboozled? Is the wool being pulled over my eyes with the 10% success rate, while 90% of people try this and fail?
Is it really worth it? I want to say yes. I really really want to think that if I work hard, I can be part of the 10% big success. I made those numbers up, by the way. I really don't know what to think, expect, want. I don't know. I don't know what sorts of goals to set. What expectations to have of myself. I am trying to stay positive. I'm going to give it a try. I am keeping in mind that I am in charge of myself. They aren't in charge of me. If this isn't for me, I can hand in my presentation kit and never go back.

I'm afraid to fail. I think that's what is holding me back from being sure about this job. I really need the money. I really need something to work out for me. And I'm afraid it won't. The lack of confidence from the outside isn't helping that at all. When people say to me that they've heard bad things, or they scoff when I say 'Vector', that doesn't help my mojo. I'm putting a lot of faith in when I can stop bugging people I know, and get into the referrals. People who the friends i've bugged say "You know who might like this?" those people actually might want to hear what I have to say. And might not feel as guilt-tripped into buying from me. I get paid just to show the knives.


Overall, it has been an up and down summer, mostly a gradual slope down with some ups. I know you shouldn't sit and wait for something good to come to you, but I really need something good right now. Some unexpected, surprise upswing. Preferably something romantic. Hahaha. I admit that for my birthday, I daydreamed of receiving a rose in the mail, with a note attached saying "Happy Birthday Emily" and no signature. I know, I know, that's silly. But a girl can dream, right? I have no qualms being single. But I also have no problems being in solitude. Until several weeks of the same pass. That's enough alliterative "s"es today.

Thanks for reading, stay in touch. I'll keep you posted with my musings here on my blog. It's a crazy time. It's a crazy life. The Ramen Noodle Life.

Ask Me No Questions....

.... and I'll tell you no lies.

My silence of late has been due to the lead up and clean up of a visit from my brother and his wife. We so rarely throw parties or have house guests, and it has been so long since we've seen them, this was a big to-do. I spent day after day scrubbing, cleaning, organizing, sorting, folding, washing, shopping, cooking etc etc. for this party. Well, TWO parties. One at my grandfather's house, one at our own. For a family to go from never have before to throwing two within a few days of each other, it was quite a flurry of activity.

Both parties were for people to visit with my brother and get to know his wife- many of them have never met her. But I was there too, being the new graduate. I kept being asked the same question over and over again, with eager grins and expecting looks, anticipating a grandiose answer.


"What are you doing now? Any big plans?"


While this is a completely natural question to ask, I wished people wouldn't. Because my plans aren't exciting. I don't even really have anything worth talking about. It's not like graduates these days can walk off the stage, diploma in hand, and walk right into their career. The economy is bad for everyone, people, not just established middle-class families. Not to mention my degree is in theatre. I know that someday I'll have plans worth talking about, like my brother and his super bowl commercial. But for now, who the hell wants a kid with a B.A. in theatre? It's like what Princeton in Avenue Q says "Four years of college and plenty of knowledge/ have earned me this useless degree. I cant pay the bills yet/ 'cuz I have no skills yet./ The world is a big scary place."

I know my degree isn't useless, but you know what I mean. The age-old-adage "you gotta spend money to make money" is very true. I cant afford an apartment in NYC yet. I don't have the money to spend in order to pursue my dreams. I already spent all my money on my degree in order to get a better job to make more money. For now, I'm on the hunt for a better-than-minimum-wage entry level job. Hard to convince a business I'll be an asset to the company when my resume shows my true bohemian/hipster colors. Besides, I don't want the kind of job I'll be stuck in for a century either. Not that I tell the potential employers that. No way I'm telling them the truth. That I only want to work for a year, then move away to NYC and never speak to you again. Why do I want to work with your company? Honestly? Cuz it's easy work that any high-school graduate can do, you pay better than going back to Sonic, I'll sit in an air-conditioned office all day rather than serving food/drinks in the heat of august, I get benefits, and it's the kind of job I won't give a hoot about giving you my two weeks notice in a year's time because you can hire some other graduate like me and I'm completely replaceable.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. I prefer your version of the story anyway- the young graduate, fresh from college with lots of potential, the whole world is her oyster. Yeah, you go with that. I'll be here in my parent's house, continuing to search the internet and newspaper for a way to make money. Let's face it. Oysters are expensive.