100 Days

Panda's late again! Why? Because Panda is having a hard time putting her thoughts into blog-worthy articles. That, and panda has been juuust a little lazy lately. Panda is also apparently speaking in the third person today.
Enough of that.

So we recently celebrated our 100 Days night. It is a celebration of 100 days till graduation. It wasn't much, a night out at Allentown Brew Works. I hung around with my roomie the whole night, it was a decently alright time.
I'm still having trouble processing it. Graduation is getting closer. Life, the real world. Here it comes. I admit, it was a little bit of a shock to really have it marked like that, a celebration. I'm not sure I want to celebrate it. I really love college, I don't want to celebrate it being almost over. I'm not saying we should mourn it like a funeral, but I felt out of place celebrating it like that. So, I had my long island, chatted with my roommate, danced a little, then went home.
On the bus home, I sat next to some kid I've never seen before. Slightly intoxicated, I was able to forgo social awkwardness and talked to him. His name is Scott. He is a finance major. He even gave me his business card. Turns out he lives in the dorm next to me. At such a small school, I thought I new everyone in my year at least. Then I realized, I only know the theatre majors. What else have I been missing out on? Who else? Not that I'm unhappy with the people I know. I just always will wonder. Maybe we didn't cross paths because we're just too different. Classes on other sides of campus from each other. Don't read too much into this, I didn't actually think much of Scott, but it got my brain going about the other faces I had seen that night. All the faces I knew, and the ones I didn't.

What will life beyond college bring me? What new faces will I come to know? What old faces will I still see? What old faces will I not? What's going to happen 100 days from now?

I feel like there's a voice like in The Ring, whispering. "100 Days". I've been able to predict my future. What classes I'd like to take, where I'd live, etc. Now, in less than 100 days, I don't know. I can't see where I'll end up. It's a scary thought. Not overwhelmingly so, but it is a little eerie. Just a constant little voice in the back of my head.

"100 Days..."
"99 Days..."
"98 Days..."

Level Up

There is a very addictive game I recently downloaded.... I mean, purchased legally...... The Sims 3. I'm addicted for various reasons- one, it's an addicting game plain and simple. It is the kind of game that never ends- your sims and the circle of life means you can continue playing for generations. Goals continue to change and develop. It's a little life. A life you can control. That's where I really get into it. In this hectic lifestyle of college and upheaval, having  somewhere I can have that outlet. A little fantasy life where my sim is a famous actor, lives in a big house I designed and built, is married to a handsome fella (who I created with proper traits, of course), three dogs, a cat, and a son named Max. Oh, and my sim is a vampire, but that's just for fun. I'll say this again: I'm not stupid. I know it's just a game. But I'm a gamer girl through and through. I  like fantasy games where I'm a hero, either the chosen one or with special powers, off to save the world. I like new worlds and new creatures and magic and all that jazz. But I also like reality. Reality is pretty okay. But how about an alternate reality? There is a difference between fantasy and alternate reality. I know fantasy is completely impossible. I'll never fly or summon magical deities to defeat evil. But maybe in some form of reality, I really can become a famous actress, be married to a perfect someone and have three dogs, a cat, and a son.

Everyone needs that outlet. That something they have control over in this crazy world. We need to feel we are in control of something. And it's best that thing isn't in this reality. Because you can't control this reality. At all. But that alternate reality where you can feels pretty damn good. It also gives me that confidence that I can have a little sanity in the real world as well. I can face reality because of my accomplishments in my alternate reality. In my games, there's immediate satisfaction: I work hard, I gain exp, I level up. I level up, I can beat monsters easier, then go fight harder monsters. Instant gratification. Then maybe I can face the not-so-instant gratification of the real world. Where you work, and work, and work, and all that blood, sweat, and tears seem to go unnoticed. It'll be noticed, somehow. So I gotta work harder in reality for that level up, but so be it.

And sometimes you're missing the level ups when you're so focused on being strong enough to beat the boss. So the boss may be level 50, but don't forget to be happy with level 41, 42, 43 and so on. In broadsword class on saturday, I touched my toes during the leg stretch. I've never been able to touch my toes before. I don't mean bending forward. I mean sitting on the ground, one leg outstretched, and leaning over and grabbing your flexed foot. When my hand grabbed my toe, I wanted to dance (but of course, I was stretching, so I couldn't just stop to do a jig). That little level up, from being unable to finally grabbing by foot, was a huge victory for me. If my goal for my athletic ability is level 50, that was I'd say a level up from 41 to 42. Still worth a celebration.

Every level up is worth a celebration.