Ain't Nothin' but a Number

Nope, not age. I mean, that's just a number too. But I'm talking about something much more sensitive. I'm talking about weight. Let's face it, most Americans are overweight or obese. Our lifestyles do not condone keeping a healthy weight. Food is readily available in large quantities, fostering larger than necessary appetites. Healthier choices are usually costlier than less healthy and more convenient alternatives. Most gatherings of friends and family are centered around food. Between working 8 hours a day, and sleeping 8 hours a night, that leaves only 8 hours left for everything else, including commute and other necessary daily activities like hygiene, chores and similar. (To put it in visual perspective, check out this video). Where is there time for exercise? Who has time and money for a gym membership, or the space and money for home equipment?

Optimistic Pusheen



Reality.

 

 

 

But like those other things we must shove into those 8 precious hours we have free in a day, we need to make time for exercise. If you're like me, you sit most of those 8 hours at work. Sitting at a desk doesn't do much for your body. Sitting idle leads to snacking, too. And drinking more and more coffee. Aside from bathroom breaks and walking ten feet to the scanner, I don't move much at work. And what do I do once I get home? I cook, which I guess involves standing, then I plop myself in front of my Xbox. Or I'll do some desk work. Or do the dishes. Regardless, I don't live an active lifestyle.  On Sunday I went to Hershey Park with my boyfriend and his family (super fun), and my legs are still sore in places two days later. To be honest, I never really minded my weight. It was there, but it didn't stop me from doing anything I liked doing. It was just a number. A number that meant nothing, because I judge weight based on how I look and feel. Everyone carries weight differently anyway, and I'm short which throws off my BMI. (Seriously, I'm supposed to weigh 130 lbs for how short I am. I haven't weighed that little since I started puberty.) Not only that, but even my doctor never mentioned it. In other ways, I'm healthy. Nothing to worry about.

Until recently.


I started noticing over the summer that last year's t-shirts and shorts didn't fit anymore. I was self conscious of my belly when I was at the beach in my bikini. Then I went to the doctor in September, and I saw the number. The doctor mentioned it, for the first time. Then again, it wasn't the number itself so much as that I had gained weight over the last 2 visits with her. She ordered blood work, which I haven't done yet. I'll get that done and know the results in January. She didn't say it, but I know why she ordered it. I may be in danger of some pretty terrible things, like diabetes and high cholesterol. At least my blood pressure is consistently perfect. I have a healthy heart, which means I should be able to fight the weight. And I will. The number haunts me, and I'm determined to change it.


That number? 208 lbs.That makes my BMI 38.Obesity is a BMI of 30 <
This means I am very obese.

Fat Cat be like SAY WHAT?

 

 

Yeah. Those are scary facts. The truth is, I've always gone by how I feel. Now I'm starting to feel those numbers. My feet hurt almost all the time from carrying all that weight, and my heels have painful fissures in them. My clothes are tight and I don't look good in them anymore. It's hard to find clothes I do look decent in. My shoulders and back hurt from the weight of my breasts in bras that probably aren't enough support anymore. I'm hyper aware of how I hold my head in a photo to reduce double-chin, and quickly finding in the mirror that it's hard to hide anymore. I actually had to hold my belly roll out of the way to try to see a hole I felt in my panties the other day.

 

 

 

Let's compare, shall we?

 

 

 

On the left I'm at a wedding. On the right I'm in cosplay for a Comic Con.

Juxtaposition FTW.

Numbers vs appearance. Knowing that I weigh 208 lbs now, how much do you think I weighed in the picture on the left?  I know these aren't amazing pictures but just go with it. I'm wearing dresses with form fitting busts and flowy skirts in each, and I'm sleeveless in each. You can also see my knees/ upper calves in each. I was purposely trying to hide my belly behind the flowers on the right. On the left, I have a control top pantyhose on, not super slimming but it does help. How much difference is there between 2013 and 2014?

The answer: in 2013, I weighed around 190 lbs. There is a 20 lbs difference between the two pictures. Does it seem like less? Does it seem like more? I don't care what you think either way. I just want you to think on what you assumed versus the real numbers.

Hard to swallow. Harsh facts. Disheartening. These are all words that come to mind when I really compare then and now. But, while I know those phrases come to mind, I don't feel sad or self pitying. Sure, I know I'm fat, but I also know I'm pretty. I have a wonderful man that loves me for me and is always telling me how gorgeous he finds me. I get dressed in the morning, and while my clothes are tight, I still see them on me and say "yeah, that's my style. I look good." My clothes don't really look great on me, but I look great in myself. Because I don't really see the belly when I think about myself. I see my smile. My new short haircut that I'm very excited about. I see the fun colorful stripes and patterns I like to wear. I think about how my nose wrinkles in a cute way when I laugh. Sure I see the bad stuff too, the belly rolls and the double chin, the thunder thighs and junk in the trunk. Those things don't define me though, because they weren't always there, and wont always be there. My sense of me will always be there. My wrinkly nose laugh, my big smile and sense of style will always be who I really am. And that's what gives me the strength to do something about that ugly number. Not for my image, but for my own comfort and well being. Who needs to walk around feeling like crap AND looking like crap? No, if my body weight makes me feel crappy, I can at least think I look good to make up for it.  I don't need anything to drag me down, I need to be pumped up! Positive reinforcement is always better than negative.

Basically, I say to those negative thoughts: "Bitch please, I'm fabulous!"

 

No, I do not have the audacity to claim to be nearly as fabulous as Beyoncé.

 

 







A Hunting We Will Go

When Michael and I were looking for apartments, we learned a lot in a very short amount of time. We knew vaguely for months that we wanted to move out. We didn't actually start looking until the end of July, and moved in September 15th. It was a crash course in apartment hunting.

 

 

Not quite that easy.

 

 

 

First, we considered living with a friend of mine. Her lease was up and needed a new place to live asap. It seemed logical that since she needed help, Mike and I should take advantage of the opportunity. We looked in the paper and followed some leads on two bedroom apartments. Some were quite nice, others were downright scary. But, when we sat down and really looked it over, all these bigger apartments split between 3 were just too expensive compared to smaller one bedrooms split between two. Now, we have a lovely place of our own, and are settling in quite nicely.  We still have things to do, pictures to hang on the wall, places to find to put things away, and a few odds and ends to buy. But we are glad the hunt is over, this moving in and making an apartment a home is the fun part.

 

 

Like a Boss.

 

 

So I want to share some tips I learned as I was figuring this mess out.

1. Looking is free

It doesn't matter if you're ready to move out tomorrow, or if you're lease doesn't end for another 6 months.  Get acquainted with what is available so you know what criteria you want to prioritize. Get to know what the average apartment is like in the area, and what you get for your money. Higher price doesn't necessarily mean better apartments, nor visa versa. Personal experience is best to really get a feel for what you get.

2. Organize your findings

While looking, cut out/print out apartments that are interesting to you. Then, pull up a spreadsheet and make a table. I organized lists into the following columns: Location (by town), number of bedrooms/bathrooms (this was relevant when we were looking at 1 and 2 bedrooms), cost of rent, utilities included, parking situation (on/off street), pet friendly (yes/no for cats, Mike and I want a cat someday so this was relevant for us), and a column for a brief description either based on the ad or personal description after we saw it. After a while I added a last column for additional information about when we visited and if we liked it or not, to help make a decision based on some we narrowed down.

3. Budget

Alright, now you have one side of the coin all etched out. Now for the other side. You know what's out there, now to know what you can possible have. Budgeting actually isn't that hard, it's about organizing. Having the information all in one place is most of the battle. First, write down income per month. Not sure? Luckily today you can easily log into your bank online, check out your last few months of deposits totals and calculate an average. Then, list necessary spending. This is things besides random shopping trips, restaurants and bars. Things like student loans, car loans, and average gas per month (again, extrapolate from the handy dandy bank statements or credit card statements)

Tip: What to make this even easier? Put everything on the same card. To help build my credit score, my parents taught me to never spend more than $15 in cash if I didn't need to. Everything above that threshold goes on my Discover card. But the caveat to that is NEVER to spend more money than you have. I treat my Discover card like a debit card. I have it automatically set to be paid in full every month. This way I'm not spending money I wouldn't have spent anyway, but I'm building credit and cash back every time. That, and most of my spending is on one statement every month. I get that bill and the total is listed in bold right on top.

Do the math, subtract your required spending from your income, and ta-da! You now know how much moolah you have to spend on other stuff each month like rent, utilities, and food.

 

 

 

 

There hasn't been a gif in a while. Here's a cat playing Jenga.

 

 

 

4. Phase 3 is profit, but what's phase 2?

 

Yeah okay this is step 4, but you understand the reference. This part is all on you. Look at what you've got from steps 1-3, and weigh your options. Would you prefer having/buying your own washer and dryer for your apartment, or do you not mind going to the Laundromat? Do you think you'd prefer less rent each month with more utilities in your name? Or does having a set rent cover most of your utilities seem better so you don't have to worry about usage? Tip: If you are paying for water, see how long it takes to get hot if you can. It would be annoying to have to pay for ten minutes of letting the tap run just to get it warm enough to shower. Our apartment the bathroom gets hot quickly, but the kitchen water takes forever. Thankfully water is included with rent so we don't worry about letting it run until it's hot enough to wash dishes. Compare what apartments interest you, and compare pros and cons of each. Compare costs of utilities included/not included in the apartments that interest you. I found this article was exceedingly helpful in making that decision. For example, heat is the most expensive utility, and living in northeast Pennsylvania means using the heat 8 months out of the year. Therefore we wanted a place that included heat in the rent, knowing it would be worth it not to worry about turning up the heat on those below zero January days. In fact, the whole site is full of useful articles if you want to read up and get more insight on renting apartments.

 

5. Okay, I know which apartment I want. Now what?

My intent on this blog post was to just go over the hunt. There's still a lot to do once the choice is made, but I know the hunt is the hardest part. I always feel better after a decision is made. The next things to do are to set up a time to sign the lease, write the check (usually security + one month rent), and get the keys. Get an official move in date. Ask the landlord or previous tenant what companies provide the utilities that are in your name and get them switched over as of the date of move in.  This can usually be done easily online. Take pictures of the empty apartment, any scuffs, scratches, dents, stains, and either save the SD card with the lease (the metadata has date/timestamps) or have them printed with date stamps. This is a CYA if your landlord wants to charge you for damage when you leave that you didn't do. Pack your stuff in boxes, gather some friends (preferably one with a pick up truck, or just hire a U-Haul) and get your stuff in!

 

 

 

Well that was exhausting. Time for a nap?

 

 

 

 

Now I don't claim to be an expert on any of this. All of the above is just based on my own experiences in my own first apartment hunt. I hope my tips are helpful to anyone else looking to move out. Definitely do your research, and MyFirstApartment.com is a huge help.


Much love to all my readers!

 

I'm outta here.















Trial by Fire

Today, I'm going to talk about love.

 

 

Oh god no.

 

 

Yeah, sorry, but I want to talk about what I've learned. I've loved and lost and loved again. I've been so heartbroken I thought I would die. I've been so in love I could sing from the rooftops. I've been so happy to be single I danced. I've mutually broken up with my significant other, and remained friends. Each relationship was a rollercoaster, often with downs so gut wrenching I wished they never happened. Now, though, I'm glad they did. No one wants to be heartbroken, I know. No one likes pain. But everyone needs learning experiences. Pain, after all, is there to teach us what can damage us. If it didn't hurt, we'd leave our hand in the fire and it would become burned to char. That's why we avoid the fire. Because we learn from pain.

 

 

 

Well, unless you're this guy.

 

Heartbreak sucks. It just plain does. There was a man in my life who I was so sure I was going to be with forever. Then, I learned that he did not agree with my feelings. The breakup was messy. It wasn't handled well. He avoided me. As with mourning the death of a loved one, there is a certain emotional process that someone needs in order to move on. I didn't get that at all with this break up. All I knew was loss, and pain.   After I came out of the cloud of depression, I saw what there was to learn from it all. I realized what I was blind to. I was so happy to be in love, that I thought my lover could do no wrong, have no fault. But then I saw why it didn't work. I learned. The pain had subsided at last, and I could learn from that pain. I saw qualities in him that I now knew I didn't want in a lover. I saw also what qualities I didn't like in myself in a relationship. I hinged my happiness on his love. I blinded myself to negativity until it hit me in the face.
 

 

 

 

Pretty much like that.

 

 

My next relationship, I knew I needed someone who respected me more. Someone who respected women more. I also knew I wanted to prove to myself that I could enjoy another's company again. The pain taught me that I also didn't like being alone. I am a compassionate person, I like to love and be loved. I learned that about myself. But, I was afraid of my choices, considering what happened with the last man I dated. So I recruited help. I signed up for OK Cupid. Yup, an online dating site. I wanted at least a little preliminary help before deciding to meet someone. Sure, lots of duds and dead ends, but then I met Sean. I called him Super Sean, because I felt like he was saving me from giving up on love.
 

 

 

 

 

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Pugs!

 

 

My time with Super Sean was short but sweet. We realized we were better friends than lovers, but you will hear it straight from me. I love him. He is my best friend in the universe. He truly was a superhero to me. For while I was out of the fire, I was still burned. The fire burns, and the injury hurts for a long time after the flames are gone. My superhero was there to help me with the burns. Today he's still there for me when I get burned, and visa versa. Yet if we are so compatible, why did we decide to be friends instead? Because Sean was exactly what I needed. I needed a friend. Our romantic relationship and our friend relationship aren't any different. The only thing that was different was we stopped kissing. Otherwise everything is the same. We hung out, played video games, and hugged each other when we needed one. Still do, actually.


 

We just jive, baby.
 

But what of love? I needed to grow up a little. Besides, I had what I needed, a best friend. It was not until months later, I came in communication with Mike. For your sake, I'll spare you the mushy stuff. Dating Mike taught me more things. It taught me what I wanted in a lover. My past relationships taught me what I didn't want. They didn't really show me what I do want. I thought I knew what I wanted. And I did, in a very vague sense. But Michael taught me what I do want, simply by having what it is I wanted all along. It also showed me that I had no idea what real love is before I found it in him. Okay, that was sappy.  

 

 

 

 

Gag.

 

 

So what's all this rambling leading to? Well, it goes back to what I started with. Fire. Yeah, sometimes, we get burned. And it hurts, and blisters and peels and is all around sucky. But we don't avoid fire forever after the first time. Fire is a requirement for human life. Sure, if we don't use it correctly or respect the power it has to consume everything, yeah, it'll burn. But if we learn how to use it and contain it, it can be a wonderful blessing of warmth, light, and joy. Bonfires, campfires, cooking food... alright, this metaphor is getting lost here. The point is, pain teaches us lessons. But you have to listen and learn from it. That doesn't mean you should avoid it forever.  Live and love, love and lose, and love again.

Da da da DAHHH!