Trial by Fire

Today, I'm going to talk about love.

 

 

Oh god no.

 

 

Yeah, sorry, but I want to talk about what I've learned. I've loved and lost and loved again. I've been so heartbroken I thought I would die. I've been so in love I could sing from the rooftops. I've been so happy to be single I danced. I've mutually broken up with my significant other, and remained friends. Each relationship was a rollercoaster, often with downs so gut wrenching I wished they never happened. Now, though, I'm glad they did. No one wants to be heartbroken, I know. No one likes pain. But everyone needs learning experiences. Pain, after all, is there to teach us what can damage us. If it didn't hurt, we'd leave our hand in the fire and it would become burned to char. That's why we avoid the fire. Because we learn from pain.

 

 

 

Well, unless you're this guy.

 

Heartbreak sucks. It just plain does. There was a man in my life who I was so sure I was going to be with forever. Then, I learned that he did not agree with my feelings. The breakup was messy. It wasn't handled well. He avoided me. As with mourning the death of a loved one, there is a certain emotional process that someone needs in order to move on. I didn't get that at all with this break up. All I knew was loss, and pain.   After I came out of the cloud of depression, I saw what there was to learn from it all. I realized what I was blind to. I was so happy to be in love, that I thought my lover could do no wrong, have no fault. But then I saw why it didn't work. I learned. The pain had subsided at last, and I could learn from that pain. I saw qualities in him that I now knew I didn't want in a lover. I saw also what qualities I didn't like in myself in a relationship. I hinged my happiness on his love. I blinded myself to negativity until it hit me in the face.
 

 

 

 

Pretty much like that.

 

 

My next relationship, I knew I needed someone who respected me more. Someone who respected women more. I also knew I wanted to prove to myself that I could enjoy another's company again. The pain taught me that I also didn't like being alone. I am a compassionate person, I like to love and be loved. I learned that about myself. But, I was afraid of my choices, considering what happened with the last man I dated. So I recruited help. I signed up for OK Cupid. Yup, an online dating site. I wanted at least a little preliminary help before deciding to meet someone. Sure, lots of duds and dead ends, but then I met Sean. I called him Super Sean, because I felt like he was saving me from giving up on love.
 

 

 

 

 

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Pugs!

 

 

My time with Super Sean was short but sweet. We realized we were better friends than lovers, but you will hear it straight from me. I love him. He is my best friend in the universe. He truly was a superhero to me. For while I was out of the fire, I was still burned. The fire burns, and the injury hurts for a long time after the flames are gone. My superhero was there to help me with the burns. Today he's still there for me when I get burned, and visa versa. Yet if we are so compatible, why did we decide to be friends instead? Because Sean was exactly what I needed. I needed a friend. Our romantic relationship and our friend relationship aren't any different. The only thing that was different was we stopped kissing. Otherwise everything is the same. We hung out, played video games, and hugged each other when we needed one. Still do, actually.


 

We just jive, baby.
 

But what of love? I needed to grow up a little. Besides, I had what I needed, a best friend. It was not until months later, I came in communication with Mike. For your sake, I'll spare you the mushy stuff. Dating Mike taught me more things. It taught me what I wanted in a lover. My past relationships taught me what I didn't want. They didn't really show me what I do want. I thought I knew what I wanted. And I did, in a very vague sense. But Michael taught me what I do want, simply by having what it is I wanted all along. It also showed me that I had no idea what real love is before I found it in him. Okay, that was sappy.  

 

 

 

 

Gag.

 

 

So what's all this rambling leading to? Well, it goes back to what I started with. Fire. Yeah, sometimes, we get burned. And it hurts, and blisters and peels and is all around sucky. But we don't avoid fire forever after the first time. Fire is a requirement for human life. Sure, if we don't use it correctly or respect the power it has to consume everything, yeah, it'll burn. But if we learn how to use it and contain it, it can be a wonderful blessing of warmth, light, and joy. Bonfires, campfires, cooking food... alright, this metaphor is getting lost here. The point is, pain teaches us lessons. But you have to listen and learn from it. That doesn't mean you should avoid it forever.  Live and love, love and lose, and love again.

Da da da DAHHH!